My Take On "The Mommy Wars"

My friend, Tanya, at Mamallamapalooza wrote a post this past week about the "Mommy Wars", and it reminded me of a message that I got from a friend not too long ago. My friend apologized for being judgmental of me in the past for working outside the home. That's one of the big battles in the Mommy Wars, you know...Stay-at-Home Moms vs. Working Moms. My reply to her went something like this...

It's OK, really. I get judgment from both sides, from women who think that I should be home with my children ALL the time and from women who think that I'm wasting my talents and "not pulling my weight" by only working one day a week when we are struggling financially. But I have no hard feelings, because I am secure that the decisions I make are right for *us*.

I will encourage my daughters to further their education and to have a backup plan, but I also will encourage their hearts to be in their homes and families. If they do have an outside job, I want them to search their hearts and ask themselves what is their motivation for working. Is it so that they can afford more stuff? Or is it because their family has true needs that can best be met by them contributing to the finances somehow? I want my daughters to look to the Proverbs 31 woman as an example.

I've looked at working from home, but I've heard so many WAHMs complain about putting in long hours for pennies. I just can't see how that would be better than me leaving the kids with their loving, capable daddy for 12 hours every week and then being able to give them my full attention the rest of the time. One 12-hour shift a week adds roughly $1400 a month to our family budget. The pros outweigh the cons.
The money I make has not gone to finance "stuff", but has gone toward eliminating debt, paying to keep our 10-year-old vehicles running, paying for educational needs, paying for dental expenses, paying for the midwife, etc. We live frugally.

And on the days when I do have to put on my scrubs and leave the house, I always ask myself what the mother/baby unit or ICU would be like if none of the nurses there were Christian mothers. ;-)

I'm sharing this here because I believe I have good reasons for choosing what I choose. It makes sense for our family. If my situation were different, if I had a different profession, if my family dynamics were different, I'm sure the pros and cons would be weighed differently. And because I have good reasons for choosing what I choose, I trust that other women also have good reasons for choosing what they choose. I refuse to fight in the Mommy Wars, and I have no hard feelings toward the women who judge me for doing things differently because I am at peace with what I do. When I share information on why we do what we do, I hope you realize that I do so because I appreciate folks sharing with me what works for them. It's an inspiration for me to try out different things. Sometimes I find a new way of doing things. Sometimes I say "hmmm, interesting" and stick with what we are already doing. But I appreciate hearing/reading about it anyway.

I had a conversation with friends at church last week, in which someone said I was a "real woman" because I had my last two babies without pain meds. Oh, no. I explained that I had epidurals with my first three. I wasn't very happy with those experiences, so I tried something different. I figured out along the way that it was easier on me to go without pain meds than with them. Same with breastfeeding; it's easier for me than bottle feeding. I've tried both public school and homeschooling, and I'd rather do it myself at home. Using herbal remedies on my children has prevented the headache of pediatrician visits. I'm all about what works, y'all.
So, you say you'd rather have an epidural during labor asap? I would encourage you to look into the benefits of birthing naturally, but I'd also say do whatever makes your birth comfortable and peaceful. Breastfeeding didn't work for you and your baby? Although I would encourage you to try again next time, as the benefits are great and each baby is different, I'd also say please don't feel guilty if you have to feed your baby a bottle. You don't think you can teach your children what they need to learn at home? I'd say you don't give yourself enough credit! But I'd also say give them what you believe they need. Taking your children to the pediatrician everytime they cough brings you greater peace of mind? Go get your peace of mind; you already have enough to worry about. Whatever you decide, I'm not judging you, mama.

Can we please just share with each other, support each other, and get along?

All Hallows’ 2010

This year we went to a party at our church, where the kids dressed as their favorite saints. Caveman was St. Michael the Archangel. Gem was St. Lucy. Mojo was St. Elizabeth of Hungary. One of our little friends here was St. Therese the Little Flower.



St. Jude enjoyed the “Saints marching in.” Sunshine wore a hyena snout that she made herself and told us about St. Francis of Assisi, who is the patron saint of animals.
Here are “the girls.'” Our friends were dressed as St. Therese the Little Flower, and Mary Queen of Saints. 

Today after Mass, we went to the cemetery and prayed a rosary as Fr. Harvey blessed the graves. He had a little help. :-)

And It’s A…

We had our ultrasound on October 14. This time I really wanted to find out baby’s gender. I do think it is great fun being surprised, like opening a present at Christmas. On the other hand, I also think it’s more fun to shop for stuff ahead of time when you know who you’re shopping for. And I will be doing much shopping this time, since I gave away most of our baby stuff and newborn/small cloth diapers.

The day was a beautiful sunny one, perfect for an adventure. On the way to our appointment, I played with the camera on my new iPhone 4.
(Hi, Baby! It’s yo Mama!)

They had said that four people could come back to the ultrasound room, but all seven of us managed to cram in there. The kids stared at the screen intently, asking a half a dozen questions apiece every minute, sometimes all at the same time. Juju preferred to explore. I’ll bet the poor ultrasound tech wasn’t used to that kind of noise, but she was very sweet and patiently answered the many questions. We first looked at Baby to make sure everything was as it should be. And it was, praise be to God.

Then came the moment we were all waiting for. The ultrasound tech whispered to Mojo, who whispered to Caveman, who whispered to Gem, who whispered to Sunshine, who announced out loud…
  All the kids had guessed "girl" from the beginning, except Caveman, who said "if it’s a sister, we’ll have to give her to someone else."

After our ultrasound, we ate at Cracker Barrel to celebrate.


And here’s Mama’s 18-week belly…

The County Fair

I’m behind on our blogging. Back in August, I signed a 3-month contract in CCU, which will be finished the first week of November. Until then, I’m behind on pretty much everything.
But anyway, I wanted to blog about the fair, as it is always a big deal to the children. The parade, rides, the games, the lights, entering their artwork and waiting to see what prize they received…it’s almost like another holiday. They ask for weeks and weeks ahead of time “When will the fair be here?”
Here are some pics from this year’s county fair.

Watching the parade. Juju was excited about all the emergency vehicles, was not so excited about them blowing their sirens so close.

Sunshine marched with the band. Gem’s favorite part was the horse, of course.

Sunshine got grand champion on this whimsical piece of art (hopefully, I’ll get around to scanning it later), blue ribbons on all her other pieces. The other children got red ribbons on their artwork. 
 

Juju did not care one bit for the rides. I think all of their favorite parts was playing the games and winning prizes. Or maybe it was the cotton candy.

Juju Turns Two

We had a simple celebration for him here at home. He enjoyed being the center of attention and playing with his family and friends.

Mama made a homemade chocolate cake with sprinkles. As you can see, it got sampled a little early.



His favorite gift was a DVD with Dora the Explorer on it. He LOVES Dora. At night when putting him to sleep, he has a little litany…”Dowa…Map…Boots…Pack-Pack…I Map, I Map, I Map, I Map, I MAP!…”

He got a trike from Mama and Daddy. Now when we take all the big kids to ride their bikes, he’ll have something to ride as well! As soon as his legs get a little longer, that is; they don't quite reach the pedals yet. I’m sure that will happen in the blink of an eye.

Of course, the best part of birthday celebrations is getting to visit with our family and friends. Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle John and Aunt Catie, our homeschool friends, and NaDean (one of the midwives who was at his delivery) came to celebrate with us.

 


A huge thanks to my friend, Catherine, for taking all these beautiful pictures!

A New Baby

It is my belief that every new baby is precious and should be joyfully welcomed. Yet, preparing to announce a new baby to the world creates in me feelings of joy mixed with...dread. Some of the comments I get from folks have a less-than-welcoming vibe to them. In fact, some of them have more of a judgmental kind of vibe. I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume/hope/pretend that they are just innocent banter. Maybe the pregnancy hormones make my usually thick skin a bit thinner. I never know what my mood will be on any given day. So how about we just go ahead and get it all out of the way now? If you have just learned that I am expecting another baby, and one of these questions or comments forms in your mind, here’s the response I might give you depending on the mood I’m in at the time. That way, next time we bump into each other in real life, we can talk about how hot it is, or our favorite recipes, or whatever.

1. “Don’t you know what causes that?”
Joyful: Sure, I do! My beautiful children make the world a better place…of course, I want more!
Sarcastic: No. I slept through my whole OB/GYN rotation in nursing school. Do you mind filling me in?
Silly: Yeah, this is what happens when you hold in your farts! Believe me, I will NEVER AGAIN hold in my farts! (I like this one when my belly is prominent.)
Irritated: OK, that question is getting a bit old now. Can’t you come up with something more original? 
Weepy: So you think I’m stupid just because I value children?
Frankly speaking: I learned in elementary school how babies are made, and I’ve also done quite a bit of research on the different family planning methods and how they work on our bodies. Not only do I have problems with contraceptives and sterilization from a women’s health standpoint, I also have problems with them on a moral level. This is one of my soapbox topics; do you want me to go on? Well, alright then. But I’d love to give you a copy of Dr. Janet Smith’s lecture “Contraception: Why Not?” to listen to in your spare time.  
We also don't have children solely because we don't believe in using contraception (NFP is acceptable to us and is just as effective as contraception at avoiding pregnancy...when we choose to use it.) We have children because we value them. They are blessings to us, not burdens. Each one of our children is loved and wanted.

2. “Wow, you have your hands full!”
Joyful: I really do! But not as full as my heart!
Sarcastic: That’s a very astute observation.
Silly: Actually, I have a couple hidden that I can pull out in emergencies.
Irritated: Ya think? 
Weepy: Are you offering me one of yours?
Frankly speaking: Yes, my hands are full. My life is busy and even overwhelming at times. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

3. “Are you trying to catch up with the Duggars or something?”
Joyful: We’re pretty happy with our own family.
Sarcastic: Sure, ya know, every family who wants more than three children is secretly trying to catch up with the Duggars. 
Silly: Nah. It's just that I'm so hawt and he's such a stud! We can't seem to leave each other alone!
Irritated: Nope.
Weepy: <sigh> If only I had it together as much as Mrs. Duggar.
Frankly speaking: I really am not concerned about keeping up with any other family, expectation, or status quo. The only person whose opinion I care about is God’s. 

4. “Six? OMG, are you serious?! That’s a lot of kids!” 
Joyful: Yeah, ain’t it great? My house is always rockin’!
Sarcastic: No, I just said that because it's so funny to watch people freak out.
Silly: All part of my plot to dominate the world! Mwahahahaha....
Irritated: I think we're doing just fine with them.
Weepy: <Smile and nod>
Frankly speaking: Six used to seem like a lot to me, but now that I’m there, it doesn’t seem like that many. I adjust and adapt with each child.
Besides, in the crowd I hang with, six is just a medium-sized family.

5. “You must be a saint/superwoman.”
Joyful: No, I’m just blessed!
Sarcastic:  You must not know very many saints/superwomen.
Silly: I am! I just leave my halo/cape at home because I don’t want to be a show-off.
Irritated: C’mon. Do I look like a saint/superwoman to you? Seriously?
Weepy: Sometimes I don’t do such a great job of juggling it all.  
Frankly speaking: I’m no more saintly or super than you are. I struggle with the same things that every mother struggles with--patience, organization, discipline, fatigue, worrying about my kids, and on and on.  I trust God to give me the tools I need to carry out the work He has set before me. He will give me what I need WHEN I need it, not before.

6. “When are y’all gonna be done?” (or “Geez, how many more do you plan to have?”)
Joyful: We’re just getting started!
Sarcastic: I dunno. One of my kids broke the crystal ball, so I can no longer read the future.
Silly: When the timer dings.
Irritated: We’re the ones raising them; it’s really nobody else’s business.
Weepy: I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’d like to move past the diapers and lack-of-sleep phase...
Frankly speaking: God is Lord over ALL my life, including my family size. I entrust those decisions to Him.

7. “Are you gonna get fixed this time?”
Joyful: Oh, honey, I am fine just the way I am!
Sarcastic: I ain’t broke. 
Silly: Have they figured out how to fix me from misplacing my keys and cell phone? I’d be all about that.
Irritated: What do you think is wrong with me that needs to be fixed?
Weepy: No, that’s not an option.  
Frankly speaking: Fertility is the natural state of health for a woman my age. Sterility is caused by declining health or disease. I do not plan to intentionally cause a perfectly healthy organ to no longer function properly--how backward is that?! Nor do I intend to subject myself to the health risks of these so-called “fixes”.
Besides, contrary to popular opinion, we really don't control as much of that sort of thing as we'd like to believe. God is still the author of life. I’ve personally known a few folks who have had a baby after getting themselves “fixed” and a few more who have had the heartbreak of ectopic pregnancies following tubal ligation. The only 100% effective way for preventing pregnancy is total abstinence or removing the reproductive organs. No, thank you.

8. “I could never afford that many children!”
Joyful: We are clothed and fed and happy. God blesses us abundantly!
Sarcastic: Too bad you don’t have a rich husband like me.
Silly: It pays off when they get a little older. Free housework, yard work, and babysitting!
Irritated: I guess it just depends on your priorities. I prefer a household of love to a household of things.
Weepy: It’s hard to make ends meet sometimes. But we manage.
Frankly speaking: In Matthew 6:19-21, Jesus tells us "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” 
My children are the only earthly treasures that I have the hope of taking with me to heaven. I will not be able to take my house, cars, clothes, vacations, diplomas, ranks, or even this old body into heaven. The fleeting amusement of material possessions just doesn’t compare to the lasting joy of another child!
And we’ve found that we are actually more content with less “stuff”. Kids really don’t need a bunch of material things. We all know of children who have every toy under the sun and are still bored and dissatisfied. What they really need is food, shelter, parents to love and teach them, and siblings to play with. We are never lacking in those things.
And no, I’m not worried about college. I got scholarships and worked my way through college, and if my children want to go badly enough, I expect they will do the same. If they aren't willing to work hard for it, they sure don't deserve a free ride. So far, they are turning out smarter than me. ;-)

9. “Do you ever worry about overpopulation? What about your ecological footprint?”
Short answer: No, I'm not sold on the idea of overpopulation.
Long-winded answer: I suspect that the overpopulation myth is propelled by a hidden agenda. The UN Population Database is projecting that the world’s population will peak at about 8 million in 2040 and then decline indefinitely. The decline is expected to be much more rapid for industrialized countries than less-developed countries, and it's hard to stop a decline once it begins. I’ve read many sources over the past few years express concern about a  population implosion. This does concern me, as I could possibly experience the effects of this in my lifetime.
I believe that many of the world's problems, such as hunger, clean air, and clean water, are due more to asinine policies of corrupt governments rather than not enough room for us all. Ah, but this topic would best be discussed over a cup of coffee on a long, lazy afternoon while the children are playing outside. As with the contraception issue, there's just too much to say here.
As for ecological footprint…many of the larger families I know are one-income families, which means we have to be more careful with our resources than the average family. I could write a couple paragraphs rattling off all the things we do to conserve our resourses (and I'll be happy to if you really want to know), but for now I'll just say most of the large families I know are more “green” than other families I know who only have one or two children and can afford more convenience and material things. We strive to teach our children to be good stewards over their resources.  

10. “Better you than me!”
On a good day: I wholeheartedly agree.
On a bad day: I wholeheartedly agree.

11. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for y’all!”
Thank you so much! We’re happy, too!

And...my most favoritest comment ever, made to me by my Daddy when I announced to him that I was expecting my 4th child...
“Oh, goody, another grandchild! I hope you have a dozen!”
I laughed and said “Oh, Daddy, a dozen? Maybe half a dozen.”
I'm sure he's watching us from heaven, proud as can be, and cheering us on.

Making Dinner a Special Occasion

Although we are simple, laid-back folks, we sometimes enjoy setting a fancy table for dinner. Fancy for us means covering our table with a tablecloth and cloth napkins, getting out the "Wal-Mart special" gold-rimmed glass dinnerware with matching gold flatware, and lighting candles. We do this for holidays and other special occasions, and it gives the children a sense of excitement. We use our best table manners. We practice good dinner conversation skills. We enjoy being together as a family.

Yesterday, my stepmom showed me some glassware she had picked up at a yard sale. And being a really nice stepmom, she passed it on to me! :-) I googled the pieces and discovered that they are a vintage diamond point pattern manufactured by the Indiana Glass Company. This particular pattern was introduced in 1965 and discontinued in the 1980s. The price she paid for them was a real steal!


What you see in this picture is the glass pitcher, water goblets (there are six of them), butter dish, and gravy bowl. There are also 6 wine goblets, 7 mugs, 6 tumblers, 6 juice glasses, cream and sugar bowls, a mayonnaise bowl, a candy dish, and 4 small teacups.
Our family dinner on this Lord’s day was a special occasion indeed! Meatloaf, mashed taters and gravy, and iced tea tasted especially fine on our pretty dishes. In addition, we lit pure beeswax candles which were used on our Church’s altar during Mass.

We also have started a new tradition on Sunday evenings after dinner—“Sunday Night Apologetics”. We are teaching our children to answer common questions that people have about our faith. Right now while they are young, we are using Friendly Defender flashcards. Of course, as their understanding grows, the questions and answers will become more in-depth. Our memory verse this past week was 1 Peter 3:15 “…Always be prepared to make a defense to any one who calls you to account for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and reverence…”

Camping With the Extended Family

I have to admit that I was not especially looking forward to toting a not-quite-two-year-old to the woods and spending a night in a tent without electricity in July in Arkansas. But I was looking forward to seeing Greg’s family, so we came up with an escape plan just in case the toddler thing didn’t work out. ;-)
It really was great seeing everyone. I loved watching the cousins play together. We enjoyed swimming in the lake. Greg’s brother-in-law, Jimmy, cooked a fine fried chicken dinner with the works. We even wound up staying the night in the tent, though we slept very little.  



Juju really took to his cousin MM! She toted him around like a baby doll.

I think Caveman tried to monopolize Aunt Catie’s time as usual.
  
Juju also went with Uncle Steve for a walk…he was persuaded by Uncle Steve letting him hold the doggie leash.

And he let his cousin T hold him. When MM saw, she said “Hey! That’s MY baby!” lol
Of course Gem stuck to Reesie like glue.


Looking forward to seeing everyone’s pictures, and looking forward to doing it again, y’all!