Christmas 2008

Our Christmas celebration varies a bit from year to year depending on Bear's work schedule. This year, Bear had to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, leaving the house at 5:30am and getting home at 8pm.
The kids and I met Bear after work on Christmas Eve, we had dinner at our favorite restaurant, then we went to the 8pm Mass at the Cathedral.
On Christmas morning, we woke the kids up at 4:30am so that we could open presents before Bear left for work. Since I had worked a few extra shifts at the hospital, we had a big Christmas! While the kids spent the morning playing with their new toys, I made some homemade cinnamon rolls using Pioneeer Woman's recipe (if ya'll haven't heard of her, check out her blog! It's in my links). This was my first attempt at such an endeavor, but they turned out yummy; the recipe is pretty fool-proof. My Dad's homemade fudge recipe didn't fare so well, but I was too tired to try again. Maybe tomorrow. Somewhere around 11am, Gem conked out on the couch, the other kids began drooping, and I seized the moment. We all napped until around 2pm. Then we went to visit my grandma and my stepmom. In the evening, I cooked a turkey dinner with all the trimmings for Bear to enjoy with us when he got off work.
Everytime I was tempted to whine about Bear having to work such long hours, I thought of all the women who didn't get to spend Christmas with their husbands this year. I especially thought of the men and women overseas. It helped me to remember to be grateful for what I have.

Advent/Christmas/Epiphany Traditions

This is one of my favorite times of year, so it just seemed appropriate to share some of our family's traditions.
Next to Easter, the time of time of year that brings us the most joy is Christmas.  As with Easter, our Christmas celebration is preceded by a period of preparation.  We call this Advent, during which we prepare to celebrate Christ's coming in three ways...His first Advent when the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us, His second Advent when He will come as King to set up His everlasting kingdom on earth, and His third Advent, when we consciously invite Him to come and dwell in our hearts.
Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas ( Nov. 29, 2008 ), and lasts through Christmas Eve. The liturgical color of purple is used, which is a color of expectation, penance, and sorrow. We recall the words of John the Baptist as he prepared the way for the Messiah...'Repent, the kingdom of heaven is at hand. We examine ourselves as we look for His second coming with the questions 'Am I prepared to meet the Righteous Judge face to face? What changes do I need to make in my life?'  And despite the joy of looking forward to celebrating Christmas, we also remember that Christ was born to suffer and die for us.  We do not separate His Incarnation from His sacrifice. 

Catholics celebrate Christmas by attending Mass, either on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.  What better way to celebrate Christ's birthday than to gather round His table? One of my personal favorite times to attend Mass is the Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve!  Our Christmas celebration lasts for twelve days and ends on January 6, the Feast of the Epiphany.  On the Epiphany, we celebrate the three wise men finding and worshipping Jesus.

As with all of our other celebrations, there are many traditions that surround our celebration of Advent, Christmas, and Epiphany.  Some of these traditions have their origins in pagan customs, for which we are frequently criticized.  Our thought on this is that if God can take pagan sinners such as ourselves, transform us, and use us to bring Him honor and glory, then we also can we take customs that have origins in places besides Christianity, 'baptize' them, and use them to bring honor and glory to God.  For us they never mean anything else. These customs and traditions are useful for keeping our focus on Christ, strengthening our relationship with Him, and teaching spiritual truths to our children in a way that is meaningful to them. Here are some of our favorites...

The Advent Wreath
This is a custom that began in pre-Christian Germany, in which evergreen wreaths were gathered and lighted during the dark days of December as a sign of hope in the coming spring.  Today, Christians use these wreaths with candles during Advent as a symbol of our hope in Christ, the everlasting Light. The Advent wreath consists of four candles, three violet/purple and one rose-colored, that we light during our evening meal in the weeks leading up to Christmas, one the first week, two the second week, and so on.  The rose-colored candle is lit during the third week, as a sign of joy that Christmas is almost here.  The lighting of these candles are accompanied by prayers and/or Scripture readings.  In our family, we also include a white candle in the middle, white symbolizing joy and celebration, which we light on Christmas Eve and each of the twelve days of Christmas until Epiphany.



The Blessing of the Christmas Tree
We bless our Christmas tree, using Scripture readings (Ezekiel 17:22-23) and prayers.  For us, our tree becomes another symbol of Christ--the tender shoot that grew to become a majestic cedar and the Tree of Life.  As we turn the lights on our tree, we are reminded again that Jesus is the Light of the world. 
When we decorate our tree, I let the children do the majority of the decoration, and I leave the ornaments wherever they place them.  Even if there are two of the same color on the same branch. ;-)


The Jesse Tree
This is a lovely way to count down the days until Christmas! Beginning on the first Sunday of Advent, Bible passages are read daily, beginning in Genesis and taking us through salvation history up until Christ's birth. Each daily reading has a corresponding ornament, made from construction paper and laminated, with symbols drawn on them.  The ornament is hung on a small (12 inch) tree by the children after we've finished our reading. This provides them with a visual picture of our Lord's ancestry. 
To view the readings and ideas for creating your own Jesse Tree, click here.

The Creche
St. Francis of Assisi is credited with first building a creche (nativity scene) as part of Christmas celebration. We place a creche in our home at the beginning of Advent. However, the baby Jesus does not appear until Christmas Eve, and then the shepherd with his sheep moves over to worship him.  Also on Christmas Eve, we place the wise men at the edge of the table, and each day they move closer until Epiphany, when they finally make it to the baby Jesus to worship Him.



Our Christmas Chain
We make our sacrifices and our good works visible by creating a 'Christmas chain'. When any of us 'get caught' doing something for someone else, this is written on a strip of construction paper and taped together to make chain links. The chain is then wrapped around our Christmas tree.



St. Nicholas
We prefer to teach our children about the REAL St. Nicholas rather than the fat man with the flying reindeer who lives at the North Pole. The main reason is that we want to keep our Christmas celebration focused on Christ's birth. But also, we want to be truthful with them. St. Nicholas is a real live person. On earth, he served our Lord as a bishop in Myra (modern day Turkey), and he died on December 6, 343 A.D. Since we believe in eternal life in Christ, we believe that St. Nicholas is alive in heaven and praying for us! We celebrate his feast day on December 6 by surprising the children with treats in their stockings and reading stories about St. Nicholas' good deeds, which have inspired the modern day 'Santa Claus' traditions. By celebrating St. Nicholas in this way, we keep the fun of his traditions, we keep him in his proper context, and our Christmas celebration is centered on celebrating Christ's birth. To learn more about the real St. Nick, click here.



Epiphany
On the Epiphany, the kids make crowns of construction paper, glitter, jewels, and they wear silk shawls, robes, etc. to dress up like royalty.  The night before the Epiphany, they think of things that they would like to do for Jesus in the upcoming year.  These are written down or wrapped up as 'presents' which they place in front of the baby Jesus.
For our meal, we set the table fancy, as is fit for royalty!  We have an epiphany cake, in which a quarter is hidden.  The one who finds the piece with the quarter in it gets to be the 'high king or queen' and will get to carry the Christmas star for the procession.
Another tradition is the blessing the door facings.  As the royalty processes through the house singing a hymn (like 'We Three Kings'), the door facings are marked '20+C+M+B+08' with chalk and sprinkled with holy water.  The last two numbers change each year.  The C+M+B means 'Christus Mansionem Benedictat' (Christ bless this home.)   Also, although Scripture doesn't tell us how many magi there actually were or their names, from tradition, we get the number three and the names Caspar, Melchior and Balthasar.
In some countries, the presents are opened on Epiphany rather than Christmas, in remembrance of the presents presented to Jesus.

The Kids' Visit With St. Nick

Santa made an appearance at our library story hour on December 9. The children enjoyed visiting with him.


It was Juju's first visit with Santa. He asked for new shoes.


Gem asked for a Barbie doll.


Caveman asked for a monster truck.


Mojo asked for a robot.


We teach our children that the real St. Nicholas is in heaven with Jesus, praying for all the little boys and girls on earth.  We tell them the stories of the kind deeds he performed on earth.  We know that all good gifts come from Jesus, but we also know that Jesus has helpers...like St. Nicholas, mommy, daddy, and others who show love and kindness.  The children enjoy visiting with one of these helpers and are always eager to spill their Christmas wishes!

Juju 3 months old

Our Juju is now three months old! He is giggling, squealing, and has found his hands.

Welcome, Juju!

Our family welcomed Juju into the outside world on August 18, 2008 at 1:32am.
For those of you who are interested in such details, here is the story of his birth...

Once again, I was "overdue" and anxious. I really wanted to give birth at home, and Deb had said that after 42 weeks, I would be transferred to the care of an obstetrician. Some of you may remember that Gem had to be coaxed out at 42 weeks. In fact, for my past 3 deliveries, my membranes had been ruptured by an OB to start the labor process. For some reason, my babies don't seem to want to come out on their own! Deb didn't want to resort to this, as it increases the risk of complications. But the natural methods we had tried--including Deb's 3-day induction regimen--had gotten us nowhere, and we were faced with the prospect of a hospital birth. So she decided to come to the house on Sunday evening (Monday was the 42 week mark), and if baby was low enough, she would break my water.

Sunday evening, we gave the children their "big sibling" presents, and Greg took the younger ones to my stepmom's house while Deb examined me. Baby's position and heart rate looked favorable, so when Greg returned, shortly before 7 pm, my water was broken.


While waiting for contractions to begin, Deb and NaDean left to go get some dinner. While they were gone, Greg, the older girls, and I went for a walk, praying a rosary as we walked. Then the older girls went to their room to do their teenaged-girl things. When Deb and NaDean returned from dinner, we sat around visiting, listening to music (everything from Rachmaninov to Cream, lol) and getting out the scrapbooks. It took awhile for things to get started, and I did a lot of walking around and squatting to try to move things along. I also took some homeopathic herbs every 5 minutes for thirty minutes. Eventually, I began to feel contractions that I knew were the real thing. When the contractions started becoming more regular and uncomfortable, I decided to try to lie down and rest for a bit. I didn't get to rest for very long. Around 11pm, contractions started getting serious. We filled our old claw-foot bathtub, and I labored in a candle-lit bath for awhile, before it became difficult to relax. At this point, Deb suggested that I might prefer the birthing stool, so I made my way to the bedroom. When I left the tub, I was 7cm dilated. Shortly after I got to the bedroom, I was dilated to 9 1/2 cm, with an anterior cervical lip. At this point, no position I could get in seemed comfortable. Deb assisted me in pushing around the cervix, but it seemed to be a long difficult process. We finally got past the cervix, and I was completely dilated, but pushing still seemed really difficult compared to my other deliveries. I think I pushed for at least 30 minutes. As long and painful as it was, I didn't feel anxious because Deb and NaDean were calm, patient, and encouraging. Such a far cry from the hospital personnel in my previous deliveries. The whole atmosphere was just different, being in the comfort of our bedroom with a low light, looking up and seeing the crucifix that was given to us by the priest at our wedding. And of course, Greg was right beside me, kissing me, running his fingers through my hair, supporting me, telling me how proud he was of me.
Eventually, Deb suggested squatting, and I did this with Greg sitting behind me and supporting my arms. That got the head out in just a few more pushes. The shoulders took a couple more pushes. And there was my baby. He was placed immediately in my arms, and for the first time ever, I got to discover the sex of my baby on my own. I can't tell you how exciting it was to peek underneath the blanket and to exclaim to Bear "it's a BOY!" Once again, the kids were right!
He latched on and began nursing right away.


Thanks to the patience and support of the midwives, I only had a small amount of tearing (needed 5 stitches) with much less discomfort afterward than my previous deliveries.

After the placenta was delivered, we woke the girls up to come meet their brother/cousin.
 

Then we all watched Deb and NaDean examine him. He was perfect of course. He weighed 9 lbs 6 oz and was 22 1/2 inches long!

  

After I rested awhile, I took a shower, gave Juju his first sponge bath, and then we both took a much-needed nap.
 

Greg waited until daylight to get the little ones. They were so excited to see their new brother, especially Caveman! Well, Gem may just be the most "smitten" of them all. She kissed the baby about 500 times. When her older siblings try to hold him, she screams " Nonono! Mine!"
  

Many people have asked me why on earth I would want to have my baby at home with a midwife instead of in the hospital. There are so many differences between an OB's care and a midwife's care! The midwife really gets to know her clients and the experience is a much more personal, intimate, relaxed experience. I never had to wait for visits in an office full of people just to have her spend 10 minutes to listen to the baby's heart rate and ask if I had any questions. Instead, I just rang her doorbell and was seen right away. The kids played with a basket of toys that she keeps available, and they were included and involved in the visits. The midwife probably spent as much time with me during ONE visit than my OB did for all visits combined! When I voiced pregnancy discomforts to the OB, the best I got was a sympathetic pat and a "hang in there, it won't be much longer." The midwife actually had suggestions for things that would help ease the discomfort, things that would make make me think "this is my fifth baby, why has no one ever mentioned this before?"
A few days before Juju's birth, when I was having contractions that weren't all that strong but were regular, Deb and NaDean drove to my house in the middle of the night and camped out on my couch and recliner, just in case.
During the labor and delivery process, everything was focused on my comfort and easing the baby's passage into this world, rather than on “policy and procedure”. The midwives used low lights, soft voices, stayed in the background and allowed me to labor in my own way, and stepped up to offer a suggestion or help when needed. Baby never left my sight.
After delivery, the midwife insisted that I stay in bed/couch/recliner for a week, and NO housework, cooking, or lifting toddlers for 2 weeks. I thought that was a little overkill; in the past I had always been told to "take it easy for a few days." But she was right. I bled less and healed more quickly this time than with my previous deliveries.
She came back to my house to check on me and the baby the next day, and then we did the PKU and birth certificate stuff a few days later. For questions and concerns, she was always reachable on her cell phone.
All in all, this has been my best birth experience. If we have another baby, I would choose another homebirth with these ladies.

My Mother's Day Was Just Wonderful, Thank You

I worked last night (12 hour shifts) and was exhausted when I got home this morning. I did my best to stay awake during Mass, drove Gem around til she fell asleep afterward, and got to bed around 11:30am (the Sunday school teachers bring the older kids home for me after they finish up all their lessons.) Up at 4:30pm, still tired as all-get-out, got to play with the kids briefly and then had to rush off to work again at 5:30pm. It was Bear's weekend to work also, so I got to see him briefly today when he stopped by the hospital on the way home to bring me some food (thanks, honey!)

But this is not a whiney blog. Honest-to-goodness, I'm not whining.

I'm thinking of someone I know, whose precious little girl has been in the hospital for over a month now, and who has gotten devastating news that the doctors don't feel as though there's anything else they can do. She's been by her baby's side, missing her other two babies, missing her husband much of the time, and now they are faced with the heart-wrenching possibility of having to say goodbye to their dear little one.
I'm thinking of another dear mama I know whose little girl went to be with Jesus last year around this time and how her arms must ache right now.
I'm thinking of other women I know who would like nothing more than to wrestle with rambunctious kids in church, to get homemade cards and flower bouquets, and to hear little voices calling "mamamamamama!" But for reasons they can't understand, their arms remain empty.
I'm also thinking of those women I know who do it all on their own without a partner, never getting a break, never hearing the words "I'll bathe the kids" or "I'll bring you dinner, what would you like?" or "you're doing a good job, honey".

So, even though I did not have a Hallmark commercial kind of Mother's Day, it was beautiful to me nonetheless. I cherish the homemade drawing that the kids signed (or scribbled) their names to. I cherish the flowers placed lovingly in the vase on my table. I cherish the hugs and kisses I got before I left the house. I cherish the man who sent me the email telling me what a good job I am doing raising his children. I am thankful beyond words for all this madness.

Why Am I Doing This? Part II--Socialization

I'm finally getting around to blogging on socialization. I'll start by sharing something that a friend emailed me over a year ago.
    
Apparently, the problem with homeschooling is the socialization of children. In the Kolbe Little Home Journal (Fall 2005), there is a brief item called "Homeschooling Family Finds Ways to Adapt to a Public School 'Socialization' Program." Here it is:
"When my wife and I mention we are strongly considering homeschooling our children, we are without fail asked, 'But what about socialization?' Fortunately, we found a way our kids can receive the same socialization that government schools provide. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I will personally corner my son in the bathroom, give him a wedgie and take his lunch money. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my wife will make sure to tease our children for not being in the 'in' crowd, taking special care to poke fun at any physical abnormalities. Fridays will be 'Fad and Peer Pressure Day.' We will all compete to see who has the coolest toys, the most expensive clothes, and the loudest, fastest, and most dangerous car. Every day, my wife and I will adhere to a routine of cursing and swearing in the hall and mentioning our weekend exploits with alcohol and immorality.... And we have asked them to report us to the authorities in the event we mention faith, religion, or try to bring up morals and values."

It's tongue-in-cheek, but there is an element of truth here. This helps to illustrate a few of the issues I have with public school socialization.

My personal opinion is that socialization is a skill that is taught and learned the same as any other skill, such as math or English. Some people have an aptitude for socializing and do so with ease, just as with math or English. Some people do not; they need extra help and practice in these subjects. What sort of teacher would write some math problems or a few sentences on the board, say "here's what you do…", and then leave the students alone to figure things out? That's what happens when we expect the public school system to teach our children to socialize. The kids who are naturally good at it will do well. The rest will flounder around trying to figure things out. And then there are the ones who haven't a clue what it is they are supposed to be doing. They will be the "misfits" who are invisible if they are lucky and targets if they are unlucky. I don't believe that throwing my children into a large group of other children is the most effective way to teach the skill of socialization. I also believe that if I have a child who naturally is a 'loner', then no amount of forced socialization is going to change that. We will learn to work with that personality rather than try to change it into what it is not.
I have heard it said that it's good for children to be exposed to bullies (including bully teachers), that it prepares them for the 'real world'. I strongly disagree. Children do not have the emotional maturity, the tools, or the skills to stand up to those stronger than themselves; they are at the mercy of their bullies or dependent upon adults to help them out of these situations. I see nothing good that can come from being teased, taunted, and physically abused day after day until their attackers get tired of them or until an adult steps in to rescue them. How does the standard advice to "ignore" the bullies translate into dealing with abusive spouses or bosses when they are adults? Children are not sheltered from all negative interactions with people just because they are homeschooled; chances are that they'll be able to observe how Mama handles the rude lady at the store. Somewhere along the way there'll be a child at playgroup who pushes them out of the way. There will be plenty of opportunities for learning to deal with unpleasant people. No child should have to deal with bullying.

I also disagree that socializing only with other children of the same age (or even gender) for 7.5 hours a day is likely to prepare my children for socializing in the real world. I have never worked a job with only other people of my age. When I go to work at my outside job, I have to be able to relate to the elderly at times and teenagers at times. I have friendships with people 30 years older than me, and I have friendships with people who are 15 years younger than me. We see people of all races, sizes, and abilities in the real world. My children would not think of pointing, laughing, or calling names someone who is different from them. I do not want them to be taught to do so by other children with whom they are socializing. Nor do I want them to be taught that their clothes, their hair, their toys, their friends aren't cool enough. All the other 'social lessons' taught in public school with which I disagree would be too lengthy of a subject to approach here. Maybe another blog.

Besides, I don't believe that the classroom is the best place for socializing. Shouldn't the children be paying attention to the teacher and learning something? That's what I keep telling my oldest daughter anyway. Two fifteen minute recess breaks and lunch (if they are allowed to talk in the lunchroom) are really the only times set aside for socializing at school. We get more socialization than that at home.

We have an insane amount of socialization around here. I am an organizational nerd, and our calendar is color-coded--green for Reese, orange for Sunshine, purple for Mojo, blue for Caveman, and pink for Gem (although Gem is mostly content to socialize with Mama at this age.) You should see my calendar—it's psychedelic with socialization. My children get along with other children, and they have friends. We are socialized just fine, thank you.

Barely Functioning Today

Last night was another one of those nights where Gem woke up every hour crying and wanting to nurse. She just cut 4 teeth at once a few weeks ago, and I think I can see a few more wanting to poke through? Not sure. But she's killing me. I've read that lack of sleep impairs you just as much as alcohol, and today I'm sure feeling it.  Thank goodness Bear was home today. 
So I'm re-reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.  You can imagine how many times I've heard the advice "just leave her in her crib and let her cry, and she'll eventually learn to sleep."  I tried that with my first child, and she didn't really cry all that much.  Within three nights, she was sleeping through the night.  "Piece of cake!" I thought.  With my first child, I thought I had the parenting thing figured out and was doing a pretty awesome job.
Then my second child came along.  I tried to parent her the same way I parented the first child.  I learned lots of valuable lessons from that girl.  First and foremost, I've learned to always trust my instinct over "the experts".  I've learned that each child is different and there is no "one-size-fits-all" way to parent.  I've learned to not give a rat's behind about what other people think...if it works for us and fits into our values, we stick with it.  I've learned that I wasn't given children for my own enjoyment (all though I do enjoy them very much most of the time);  I've been entrusted with an important job here.  It's work.  It's supposed to be work.  And I've learned that leaving a child alone to cry does not always insure that they will eventually sleep through the night.  Sometimes it destroys the trust they have in you, and sometimes it makes them fearful, whiney, and clingy children.  At least I had enough sense to realize that Mojo needed more than what I was giving her, and I put "me" aside to give it to her.  What Mojo needed was lots of closeness.  We began co-sleeping, we all got more sleep, and Mojo's attitude during daytime hours remarkably improved. 
Co-sleeping with my other children has probably given me less sleep than what I had with my first child...I could lay her down at 9pm and not hear a peep out of her until 7am.  But I also believe that she was just a fluke and not the "norm."  I also have come to realize that these days with little ones in my bed are so short-lived.  It seems like just last week that I was sleep-deprived with Caveman, wondering when he would ever let me rest.  I blinked my eyes, and now he sleeps all night in a room with his sister.  I still have naptime with him, though, for just a little while longer.  I cherish lying beside him and stroking his hair, listening to his breathing.  And when Gem wakes up at night, though one part of me is groaning and just about to cry from exhaustion, I still take a moment to stroke her silky hair and try to memorize the way her eyelashes flutter against her chubby cheek.
So I'm not panicking that Gem has quit sleeping at night.  I'm tired as all-get-out, but I've realized that in the big scheme of things, this is just a moment. I'll adapt, change some priorities, temporarily lower some standards, and do the best I can until it passes (we're only doing "basics" in our school today, starting after naptime).  Following the suggestions in The Co-Cry Sleep Solution, my goal is to have Gem sleeping through the night before Thanksgiving. Without crying her precious little self to sleep.

Remembering My Dad

My Dad wasn't perfect. In fact, he drove me positively crazy at times. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, and bi-polar disorder. Sometimes he took his medications religiously, ate a proper diet, and tried to take care of himself. And sometimes he decided that he didn't need to do any of that. I was always nagging him about his health, which I think secretly pleased him. No one else in our family had attended college, and he was so proud that his daughter was a registered nurse. He also enjoyed the attention he got when I was nagging him.

My Dad was like a big ol' kid in a lot of ways. He liked to have fun. He was a trusting, loving person. There was no such thing as a stranger to him; within minutes of meeting anyone, they would have an invitation to drop by his house anytime (and they would). He was generous and liked to help people. He was a big talker, both in person and on the phone.
He was a simple, genuine person. What you saw was what you got. He didn't hide it when he was happy, he didn't hide it when he was discouraged. He didn't put on airs. He was just Mike, Daddy, Papaw.

I've never seen a person who enjoyed his grandchildren as much as my Dad. He loved playing with them, and they loved his silliness. Some of the best memories I have of him is watching him play with his grandchildren. I'm blessed to have videos of him playing with them that I can watch when I am especially missing him. I can still see so clearly him bounding down his porch steps, arms wide open, and the delight on his face when we would pull into his drive and unload the kids. Caveman would run across his yard yelling "Paaaapaaaaaaaw!" and dive into his arms.

Next to his grandchildren, one of the things that brought him joy was music. He loved to sing, especially at church, and he always wanted to learn to play piano and guitar. He would go through periods where he would practice in earnest, but he never stuck with it. Instead, he contented himself to listen to his daughter and son play. It pleased him to no end that I taught myself to play piano and my brother taught himself guitar.

He loved motorcycles. I'll never forget when he first bought a motorcycle. He had talked about it for years, but I never thought he'd do it. I thought it was SO cool! I immediately got him to teach me to ride, and he was as proud of that as he was anything else I had done. He prompted me to buy a motorcycle of my own. The pride on his face was obvious as he introduced me to the old bikers that he hung around with, especially when I was the only woman in the group riding solo.

He loved trains, especially old steam engines. He was delighted that his son-in-law and grandson shared his fascination with trains, and they took many excursions to see old steam engines that were passing through.

He loved cold weather. He loved woodstoves, especially the old cast-iron kind. Wintertime at his house always smelled of freshly chopped wood and a wood fire in the stove. He didn't want anything to do with central heat. He always nagged me to turn mine off and use my fireplaces, and he would drop everything to come build me a fire. For some reason, I can never keep mine burning. I've had him show me dozens of times how to get a fire going, but I just don't have "the touch." Thankfully, Bear does.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and wish that he had been given a little longer to stay here with us. My phone is too quiet. I can still hear his voice saying…"I was just checkin' on ya." I don't have a place to drop the kids off for a few hours when they have me pulling my hair out. There's no one to come help me move a heavy piece of furniture or figure out "what's making that noise" while Bear is working long hours. I miss him terribly in the fall; the cold weather brought out the little kid in him. He and Sunshine have birthdays a day apart, and we always celebrated their birthdays together. He looked forward to meeting his newest granddaughter, Gem, and he would have enjoyed her sharing a birthday with them (the three of their birthdays are within three days of each other.) Although I didn't get to see him fussing over her, I am certain he is tickled that she inherited his chin dimple. He's probably pointed it out to everyone in heaven by now. Numerous times.
He loved Thanksgiving and would ask "Are you going to make me a pumpkin pie?" Of course I would. I would always scold him "Now Daddy, you really don't need a second piece." He would get a sheepish look on his face and ignore my fussing.

My sorrow is selfish; he wants for nothing now that he is HOME. Everyone who knew him knew that he loved the Lord. He did his best to serve Him. I am confident that I know where he is today. I am confident that he loves us just as he always has, and that he knows how much we love and miss him. He is praying for us just as he always has, he is cheering us on as we finish our race, and he will be waiting for us at the finish line. I look forward to the day when I will see him again.

Here's a picture of Gem alongside a picture of her Papaw as a baby...
See the chin dimple? It was one of the first things I noticed when I first saw her. Neither my brother or I inherited it, and she is the first of my children to inherit it. Nobody in Greg's family has one, either.

Why Am I Doing This?

This week has been one of those weeks where I was ready to throw in the towel.
"Why am I doing this? What on earth was I thinking when I agreed to this?"

The day just started wrong. I have a teething baby who isn't sleeping well at night, and I was still exhausted after two cups of coffee. I had also worked the day before (I left the house at 5:30am and didn't get home until 8pm), so I was still recovering from that. The house was a mess from my husband being in charge the day before. I sincerely appreciate him being willing and able to manage the kids and house while I'm gone. It's just that he is not quite as skilled in multi-tasking, and I'm always trying to catch up the next day. Some days, I just feel overwhelmed.

I did some assessment tests on my 11^th grade niece, whom I'm homeschooling this year. She's at about a 5^th grade level in language/vocabulary/spelling, she is at about a 5/6^th grade level in math, and I have less than two years to get her college ready. Do you want to know what really bothers me? Last year, at the public school she attended, her math and English teachers told me she was doing "just fine". I knew that she was not doing just fine. Her 20-something year old English teacher said that based on the standardized tests she took, she had no problem with reading comprehension. I begged to differ. I listened to her read at night, and I read her writings. I helped her study for Biology and World History, and I knew that she didn't understand what she was reading. I explained to her what simple vocabulary words meant. I helped her spell words like "president". She passed English with a 'C'. Average. Is this really what public schools expect from an average 16 year old?
She had already failed algebra 1 twice. They put her in a 2-hour block class, and this was "the magic cure" for her. She finally passed algebra with a 'B'. Too bad she couldn't show me how to work an algebra problem. When I gave her a pre-algebra assessment test, she was not able to correctly complete a single problem.
She requested to be homeschooled because of all the distractions and "drama" at school. From the way she described her school days to me, I agreed that it certainly didn't sound like an environment conducive to learning. I really believe it's what's best for her. I believe it's what's best for my younger kids. That's why I'm doing it. I guess I just need to sit down and write out my reasons for homeschooling so that on weeks like this week, I can give myself a pep talk.

For anyone out there who thinks that parents homeschool their kids because they are too lazy to send them to school (and yes, someone actually had the gall to say that to me)…What do you think homeschooling is? Do I sit around watching soaps while the kids play quietly in their rooms? Hahahahaha…not even close. It is giving up that nice break that I would have everyday while the kids are in school. It is putting in hours of research on learning styles, teaching philosophies/methods, curricula, lesson plans, and THEN actually putting in the time to teach the kids. Not to mention having to pay out of my own pocket for the textbooks, materials, and extra support and transcripts for the kid(s) who need them.
Do you think I homeschool the kids so that I will have more help around the house/free babysitting? Do you not realize that kids create more messes than they clean up? My house might actually be clean sometimes if there were less children there during the day. I even heard one woman suggest that homeschooling was done by stay-at-home moms who have to do something to feel "needed", to validate continuing to stay at home when the kids are school age. Does she not realize the number of mamas who put their careers on hold so that they can devote time to their children's educational needs? Or that some women juggle an outside job in addition to educating their children (which is itself a full-time job)? Personally, the other day while I was at work, I said goodbye to a very rewarding position. It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. No matter how noble my career and how much good I can do, it cannot compare to the importance of educating the next generation of leaders.

There are many reasons why I prefer to educate my children myself rather than relying on strangers to educate them. I know them better. I know their strengths. I know their weaknesses. I know their talents, abilities, and interests. I know their learning styles. I can give them one-on-one customized learning. We can progress as quickly or as slowly as they learn. I have discovered that even after a year of taking our own sweet time and making sure that one skill was mastered before moving to the next skill that my 6-year-old is still slightly ahead of her public school peers. Given the time that it takes her to grasp concepts and the amount of repetition we must do, I believe that in a public school environment, she would be lagging behind.
But I believe that this is because of all the wasted time in public schools. How much time is spent just sitting idly at their desks? How much time during the day are they lining up, waiting in line, going from one place to another? How much time is spent on watching movies? We can work more efficiently at home. I've even heard it said that it's important for children to learn to stand in line. I do not share that vision for my children. We get sufficient practice standing in line at the grocery store or at the library; I'd rather spend more time on reading.
If you are a parent who is taking an active role in your children's learning, if you make yourself familiar with the curriculum they are being taught, if you schedule regular visits with the teacher(s) to check their progress so that you can give them extra help in weak areas, if you help with homework every night, and if you practice at home what they've learned in school to make sure they really understand it even when they don't have homework…you'll be spending as much time as you would just doing it yourself at home.
Some days, yes, it can seem overwhelming…obviously. But then there are the days where you say to yourself "YES, THIS is why I'm doing this." It balances out.

In every conversation I've ever had on homeschooling, the issue of "socialization" has always come up. I have a great deal to say about socialization; I could devote a whole blog to it. In fact, I will…be looking for it. But I'll touch on it a little here. A friend who worked for a public school once told me "I know a family who at my church who homeschools, and those kids are just weird." My response was, "yeah, I guess you don't see any 'weird' kids in public schools."
Socialization is a significant factor in my decision to homeschool. We have no problems stemming from socializing or lack thereof. The homeschool group I belong to has approximately 1000 kids, with activities like basketball and cheerleaders (they play against private schools), a music academy, drama, 4-H, coop classes, Jr./Sr. Banquet, a yearbook, graduation…I could go on, but you get the idea. I would love to invite you to attend a homeschoolers' function and then attend a public school function, and tell me which group of children you believe are better socialized. I'm not implying that homeschooled children are all perfect while public-schooled kids are all hooligans. I'm just saying that there is a noticeable difference.

Another person knew of a homeschooled family who "finally put those kids in public school, and they were way behind the others." Well, I'm sure that happens, just as there are children in public school who lag way behind the others. One of my close homeschooling friends has a 14-year-old who just clepped out of college literature. My niece, who has been public schooled her whole life, is atrociously unprepared for college. I'm not going to use those two examples to say that all homeschooled children are geniuses and all public schooled children are unprepared for adulthood. Besides, most of us who homeschool are not concerned about the public school timetable. There are many different approaches and methods out there, and our children will get it all eventually…just not necessarily in the same order. And that's OK. In my state, our children must take the same standardized tests as the public school children, beginning in the third grade. I make it a point to look up and compare the standardized test scores each year in my state. During the elementary years, the homeschooled children are generally slightly ahead in the language arts and slightly behind in mathematics. By the time they reach 9th grade level, the homeschoolers are ahead in every area, and the gap has widened considerably. The reasons for that could depend on many different variables, but at least we know that what we are doing is working. I know that it is personally working for my family, and I see that it works as a whole.

Finally, I admit it…I enjoy spending time with my children. I like to be the one to see the lightbulb come on over their heads when they learn something new. I like to know exactly what it is they are being taught. I like having the flexibility to schedule more fun things, to be able to switch gears when I discover that something isn't working for us, or even to scrap the lesson plans and chase butterflies when they/I/we need it. I just like being with them. Is that really so odd?

Please don't think that I am slamming public schools, teachers, or parents who choose to send their children there. My 13-year-old is currently attending public school, and she's happy there. Trust me, I believe that teachers have a noble and thankless job. For some families, public schools are the best option; for some they are the only option. I am just thankful that we have different options. I just want to shed some light on why we choose something different. And I needed to remind myself on days/weeks like this week that this is indeed the best choice for us. It's not easy, but I guess I'm up for the task. The rewards are worth it to me. Time for me to suck it up and get back to work.(By the way, it has taken me more than one day to finish this post...and I'm feeling much better today. I'm confident that next week will be better. )