Sometimes I miss being *me*. Do any of you other mommies know what I mean? I suspect you do.
This has happened to me a couple of times lately, but it happened recently while grocery shopping. I had my iPhone plugged into my ears, listening to my Pandora radio application, on which I had created a Chopin channel. (If you're not familiar with Pandora radio, check it out! I love it!) Listening to this beautiful piano music, which usually energizes and/or comforts me, made me feel melancholy. I was remembering back to my pre-kids days, where I would not have ever imagined going a whole day without sitting down at the piano. Most of my days included several hours spent at the piano. When I went to college with music as my major, music was an even bigger part of my life. I ate, slept, and breathed music.
Anyone want to guess how long it's been since I've sat down at the piano and worked on a piece of music? I don't know. Months.
Today, when I was listening to Edward Grieg's "Wedding Day at Troldhaugen", I walked over to my keyboard. It didn't take me long to figure out it was written in the key of D-major, pick out the melody and some of the chords. I considered ordering the sheet music.
But the piano I have is in desperate need of tuning. The sustain pedal is also broke. I have a keyboard, but it's not quite the same. The cost of fixing and tuning my piano will be a big chunk; I've called someone about it before. Fixing the piano weighed against the cost of winter clothes and shoes for the kids, getting rid of our credit card debt, fixing the ceiling in the living room, dentist visits needing to be scheduled...well, those other things are bigger priorities.
And my days are filled with diaper changes, cleaning up messes, cooking, feeding little ones, washing and folding laundry, educating my children, working as a NICU nurse, the list goes on and on. What little bit of spare time I have is spent researching things like deadly viruses, vaccinations, herbal home remedies, and sometimes blogging/playing on facebook (which I mainly do when the kids are asleep anyway...can't really practice piano when the kids are asleep.) I know that if I ordered that sheet music, it would sit in a pile, with all my other unread sheet music.
It's still on my wish list. Along with the sheet music of the soundtrack of Pride and Prejudice. I keep telling myself that one of these days I'll have plenty of time for things like working on music, and then I'll probably give anything to have the pitter-patter of little feet and messes back.