I Don't Wanna Go Through the Motions

Have you heard this song by Matthew West yet? If not, look for the iPod on my sidebar, and click the play button! It came on the radio while I was on my way out of town this afternoon, and it put into words some of the feelings that have been rolling around in my head the past few days.

Andrea's memorial service was yesterday, and I don't believe I've been to a more joyful memorial service. There was a slideshow with pictures of her in all her loveliness, set to the Beatles and Johnny Cash. Our friend Siobhan gave the touching and fitting eulogy, and how she managed to keep her composure is beyond me. But she did. A close friend of the family, Chris, sang "Sissy's Song" by Alan Jackson. The place was packed with family, friends, and students of hers. Her family opened up the microphone to those who wished to share their thoughts and memories, and we heard testimony after testimony of lives changed by her upbeat spirit, generosity, and unconditional love. Sunshine surprised me by getting up to speak about how much her Aunt Andrea meant to her. Andrea's 12-year-old daughter spoke of knowing that her mama is in a better place and feeling no more pain. Most touching of all was her sister Dina's recounting of Andrea's last days, in which Andrea was given a glimpse of the incredible beauty that lay before her.

Siobhan mentioned in her eulogy that Andrea would not want to be painted as a "saint", and it's true that she was human just like the rest of us. She felt and expressed pain, anxiety, weariness, even anger at times. It was what she chose to do with these feelings, how she chose to carry herself, how she chose to wear a smile, how she chose to focus on others rather than herself that made the difference. As I heard people sharing stories of her kindness and generosity, I nodded in agreement. I was remembering back to when I was in the hospital delivering Caveman, how she took time between radiation treatments to come see me. Not only that, but she insisted on picking Mojo up to spend the night with her because she just knew that a three-year-old girl would have plenty of fun things to do at her house. When she brought her back to me the next day, she fought against crazy traffic to bring us donuts from the newly-opened Krispy Kreme before going on to her radiation treatment. And she insisted that all this was no trouble at all. That is just a small example of how she thought of others.

I suspect that I am not the only person who is now thinking of what changes I need to make in my life. I'll bet I'm not the only one who wonders, "How will people remember me? Am I making a difference in anyone's life? Am I a light?"
Andrea has inspired me in many ways through the years, and she continues to inspire me. I've long quipped the motto "Peole before things"...but I think I lose sight of that sometimes in my struggle to keep the floors swept, the clothes folded, the toys put away. Really, what difference is any of that going to make in the long run? Because of Andrea, I will think twice when I think I don't have time to play. I will think twice when I think I don't have the time to visit with friends. I will work on sharing more of myself with others and worrying less about what people may think about me. I will make a point of telling people how much they mean to me, whether they reciprocate those feelings or not.

Here are the lyrics to Matthew West's "The Motions":

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way