March For Life 2009

Our family is 100% pro-life. I realize that some people are offended by the term "pro-life" and would rather we use "anti-abortion" instead. Yes, we are against abortion. But our pro-life stance goes deeper than just abortion. We respect human life from the moment of conception until natural death, and we believe that it is up to God and not us to decide when life begins and when it ends. We do not support euthanasia, the death penalty, or unjust wars. We believe that it's our responsibility to protect the innocent.
One thing that we are not is "anti-choice". I'm willing to bet big money that everyone reading this understands how babies are created (including myself, for all those folks who think it's witty to ask me "Don't y'all know what causes that?" ) We all know that sex creates babies. We all know that contraceptives can and do fail. We can choose to say "Yes, I'm willing to take on this responsibility, knowing full well what the consequences may be" or we can choose to say "No, I'm not ready to accept the possibility of those consequences."

“My body, my choice!” “Keep your laws off my body!” Sure. But there is another body to consider here, besides your own. Should you have the choice to rip an innocent human being apart limb from limb? Do you even know what happens during an abortion? Click here or here. I warn you, these videos are hard to watch, but if you identify yourself as "pro-choice", don't you think you should be aware of what the choice you are "pro" entails? This is the body that is affected by choice.

“It’s not a baby, it’s a fetus.” Have you watched the videos above yet? A fetus is just another stage in human development. Before you were an adult, you were a child. Before you were a child, you were an infant. Before you were an infant, you were a fetus. Before you were a fetus, you were an embryo. My point here is that from the moment of conception, a separate, unique, human entity is created. By the time that most women realize they’ve missed a period, a tiny human heart begins beating. Abortion stops that tiny human beating heart. The real question here is when should you have the choice to kill an innocent human?

My favorite one is this:

This one sums up for me the “pro-choice” mentality well. This is the crudeness, the lack of respect, the self-absorbed, instant gratification mentality that plagues our society. My dear woman, I am thinking outside your box. I’m thinking of the destruction of an innocent human life. I’m thinking of the way having an abortion will change your life forever, whether you realize it or not. Do you understand the risk of complications (including death) from “safe”, legal abortion? Do you realize that so many women are psychologically scarred by abortion that there is a name for it—Post-Abortion Syndrome? Yes, I AM thinking outside your “box”. Are you?

Our Virtue and Saint of the Week

As part of our homeschooling, we try to incorporate a new virtue and learn about a new saint each week.  I also pick a memory verse for memorization that follows our theme. (St. Jerome wrote "Ignorance of the Scriptures is ignorance of Christ"!)  I use Catholic Families Today's schedule as inspiration. 

This week's virtue is JOY! After beginning our homeschool day with prayer, we talk about what it means to be full of joy, how we act when we are full of joy, and how when our hearts are full of joy, there is no room for other things--like anger or meanness. We listen to an upbeat Christian CD and dance around the den for awhile to show our joy.  This week's virtue has been one of my favorites so far, and I think that the dancing around the den while praising the Lord will be a good way to start every morning from now on! 

The Scripture verse that we will memorize this week is from John 16:22.  "...I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you." Jesus was telling his disciples that He would have to leave them shortly, and that they would be sad for a little while.  But He promised to return, and the sorrow in their hearts would be turned to joy! 

Our Saint for this week is St. Elizabeth Ann Seton.  Mother Seton was a mother of five, a young widow, and a teacher. She was also the first person born in the United States to be canonized a saint.  We've read about St. Elizabeth Seton's life, we've colored a coloring page, and we will ask St. Elizabeth Seton to pray for us during our family prayers this week.

I Know Beans

One day recently, I went to the grocery store and spent $159 and some change on 2 weeks worth of groceries for a family of seven. The woman behind me remarked on my food choices, wondering if I am also on "a diet" (she was) because of all the “healthy” foods in my cart. I explained, “No, this is just the way we eat...we are a family of seven and I try to be frugal and feed my family healthy foods.”
This reminded me that I’ve promised numerous times over the years to share tips and recipes with various mamas. It has taken me awhile, but here are a few.

One of the things I do to save money on groceries is to plan our meals. Every two weeks, on payday, I sit down and write out menus for the next two weeks. I look at the days that Bear or I are working, what activities we have going on different nights, and anything special coming up, and I plan accordingly. On the nights I know I’m going to be busy, I plan crockpot and bread machine meals. Voila, supper is done! Helps cut down on the temptation to get some processed quick-fix thingie. Or eat out.

As I mentioned, we do very little processed or refined foods normally. We drink water or milk (though the benefits of drinking milk—especially pasteurized and homogenized--are debatable, we are still in the habit.) Snacks are fruit/veggies, cheese, nuts, sometimes yogurt or Kashi crackers, or homemade snacks. And we substitute beans for meat on most nights. Beans are cheap! They also are high in protein, fiber, antioxidants, potassium...um, I’m sure I’m forgetting something. But they really are good for the heart. Aside from using beans in chili, soups, and the good ol’ ham and beans, there are many other ways to eat beans. Here are a few of our favorite frugal bean/legume recipes...

Greek-Style Beans
1 pkg dry white beans
1 can tomato paste
1 TBSP lemon juice or juice from 1 lemon
1 med onion
Garlic cloves, however many you like! I use at least 2
Dried oregano, a few shakes
A bay leaf
Salt and pepper to taste
1 can black olives
Soak, drain, and rinse beans as you normally would. Cover beans with water, add the rest of the ingredients except olives. Simmer til tender, I think I usually cook them around 3 hours? I’ll have to start paying better attention. Break olives in half and add. I serve with a nice green salad and homemade breadsticks or couscous.

Bean Burgers
1 pkg dry beans, cooked (any kind will do—we’ved used pinto, kidney, black, and navy)
1 cup rolled oats
1 egg
2 TBSP soy sauce
garlic (optional)
onion (optional)
Mash cooked beans. Mix in egg, rolled oats, and seasonings. Shape into patties, and fry in 1-2 tsp of a healthy oil (like olive oil) until browned. Serve on whole wheat bun with hamburger fixins! Even my picky eater will eat these. 

Sweet and Sour Lentils with Rice
1/2 c. dry lentils
3 c. water
2 T apple cider vinegar
2 T honey
1 T soy sauce
1/2 t. ground ginger
1/2 c. water
1 t. cornstarch
1 small onion, sliced
2 T oil
Bring 3 c. water to a boil and cook lentils for 25 minutes. Drain and set aside. Combine next 5 ingredients and bring to a boil. Spoon out a little of the liquid and mix with cornstarch to make a thin paste, then add to liquid mixture. (This is so cornstarch doesn't lump.) Saute onion until soft. Add cooked lentils and mix well. Add lentil mixture to sauce and simmer for 5 minutes. Serve over rice, with steamed oriental vegetables.

Spicy Black Bean Soup
1 medium onion
4 medium garlic cloves (or 2 tsp minced garlic)
1 bag dried black beans
½ tsp chili powder
1 tsp ground cumin
1 can broth
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can green chilies
Salt & pepper to taste
Frozen corn
Soak and drain beans, cook with spices until almost done. Add corn, cook until done. I usually serve this with cornbread and a salad.

Split Pea Soup
2 TBSP olive oil
1 each medium carrot, celery, and onion, finely chopped
1 bag dry green split peas, rinsed and picked over
1 can broth + 4 cups hot water
1/2 tsp. dried thyme leaves
1 bay leaf
Salt & pepper to taste
Sauté veggies in oil until softened. Add these and the rest of ingredients to peas. Bring mixture to a boil, cover, and reduce heat so liquid is simmering. Cook until peas are very tender, about 1 to 1-1/4 hours. Remove bay leaf. Transfer mixture to a food processor and pulse until almost smooth. Return to pot and heat until hot, adding more water, if necessary. Soup should be rather thick.

Refried Beans
1 pkg pinto beans
1 TBSP oil
1-2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 med onion, chopped
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder
Salt & pepper to taste
Soak and cook pinto beans as you normally would. Heat oil in skillet and sauté onion and garlic until tender. Mash beans, add spices, and transfer to skillet, stirring until heated through. Serve as a side dish to your favorite Mexican meal, or roll up in flour tortillas with some cheese and picante sauce to make burritos.

Hummus
2 cups cooked chickpeas/garbanzos
1 TBSP lemon juice
3-4 cloves garlic (or 2 tsp minced garlic)
¼ tsp cumin
2-3 TBSP tahini or peanut butter
1 TBSP parsley
2 tsp olive oil
Salt & pepper to taste
Drain liquid from chickpeas, reserve some. Blend ingredients in food processor until smooth, adding more liquid if needed for desired consistency. Serve with whole wheat pitas, toast, crackers, or as veggie dip.

Chili verde
1 pkg dry white beans
2 cans green enchilada sauce
1 can green chilies
1 med onion
Salt & pepper to taste
Soak, drain, and rinse beans. Put all ingredients in the pan, bring to a boil, and simmer til beans are tender. (Add water if needed.) Serve with brown rice and a salad.

Hoppin' John
1 pkg dry black-eyed peas
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped green pepper
1 garlic clove
1 bay leaf
Salt & pepper to taste
1 can tomato paste
Bacon or ham pieces (optional)
Soak, drain, and rinse peas. Add all ingredients to pot, with enough water to cover. Bring to a boil and simmer til peas are tender. I like to serve with cornbread or brown rice and steamed cabbage.

Christmas 2008

Our Christmas celebration varies a bit from year to year depending on Bear's work schedule. This year, Bear had to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, leaving the house at 5:30am and getting home at 8pm.
The kids and I met Bear after work on Christmas Eve, we had dinner at our favorite restaurant, then we went to the 8pm Mass at the Cathedral.
On Christmas morning, we woke the kids up at 4:30am so that we could open presents before Bear left for work. Since I had worked a few extra shifts at the hospital, we had a big Christmas! While the kids spent the morning playing with their new toys, I made some homemade cinnamon rolls using Pioneeer Woman's recipe (if ya'll haven't heard of her, check out her blog! It's in my links). This was my first attempt at such an endeavor, but they turned out yummy; the recipe is pretty fool-proof. My Dad's homemade fudge recipe didn't fare so well, but I was too tired to try again. Maybe tomorrow. Somewhere around 11am, Gem conked out on the couch, the other kids began drooping, and I seized the moment. We all napped until around 2pm. Then we went to visit my grandma and my stepmom. In the evening, I cooked a turkey dinner with all the trimmings for Bear to enjoy with us when he got off work.
Everytime I was tempted to whine about Bear having to work such long hours, I thought of all the women who didn't get to spend Christmas with their husbands this year. I especially thought of the men and women overseas. It helped me to remember to be grateful for what I have.

Advent/Christmas/Epiphany Traditions

This is one of my favorite times of year, so it just seemed appropriate to share some of our family's traditions.
Next to Easter, the time of time of year that brings us the most joy is Christmas.  As with Easter, our Christmas celebration is preceded by a period of preparation.  We call this Advent, during which we prepare to celebrate Christ's coming in three ways...His first Advent when the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us, His second Advent when He will come as King to set up His everlasting kingdom on earth, and His third Advent, when we consciously invite Him to come and dwell in our hearts.
Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas ( Nov. 29, 2008 ), and lasts through Christmas Eve. The liturgical color of purple is used, which is a color of expectation, penance, and sorrow. We recall the words of John the Baptist as he prepared the way for the Messiah...'Repent, the kingdom of heaven is at hand. We examine ourselves as we look for His second coming with the questions 'Am I prepared to meet the Righteous Judge face to face? What changes do I need to make in my life?'  And despite the joy of looking forward to celebrating Christmas, we also remember that Christ was born to suffer and die for us.  We do not separate His Incarnation from His sacrifice. 

Catholics celebrate Christmas by attending Mass, either on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.  What better way to celebrate Christ's birthday than to gather round His table? One of my personal favorite times to attend Mass is the Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve!  Our Christmas celebration lasts for twelve days and ends on January 6, the Feast of the Epiphany.  On the Epiphany, we celebrate the three wise men finding and worshipping Jesus.

As with all of our other celebrations, there are many traditions that surround our celebration of Advent, Christmas, and Epiphany.  Some of these traditions have their origins in pagan customs, for which we are frequently criticized.  Our thought on this is that if God can take pagan sinners such as ourselves, transform us, and use us to bring Him honor and glory, then we also can we take customs that have origins in places besides Christianity, 'baptize' them, and use them to bring honor and glory to God.  For us they never mean anything else. These customs and traditions are useful for keeping our focus on Christ, strengthening our relationship with Him, and teaching spiritual truths to our children in a way that is meaningful to them. Here are some of our favorites...

The Advent Wreath
This is a custom that began in pre-Christian Germany, in which evergreen wreaths were gathered and lighted during the dark days of December as a sign of hope in the coming spring.  Today, Christians use these wreaths with candles during Advent as a symbol of our hope in Christ, the everlasting Light. The Advent wreath consists of four candles, three violet/purple and one rose-colored, that we light during our evening meal in the weeks leading up to Christmas, one the first week, two the second week, and so on.  The rose-colored candle is lit during the third week, as a sign of joy that Christmas is almost here.  The lighting of these candles are accompanied by prayers and/or Scripture readings.  In our family, we also include a white candle in the middle, white symbolizing joy and celebration, which we light on Christmas Eve and each of the twelve days of Christmas until Epiphany.



The Blessing of the Christmas Tree
We bless our Christmas tree, using Scripture readings (Ezekiel 17:22-23) and prayers.  For us, our tree becomes another symbol of Christ--the tender shoot that grew to become a majestic cedar and the Tree of Life.  As we turn the lights on our tree, we are reminded again that Jesus is the Light of the world. 
When we decorate our tree, I let the children do the majority of the decoration, and I leave the ornaments wherever they place them.  Even if there are two of the same color on the same branch. ;-)


The Jesse Tree
This is a lovely way to count down the days until Christmas! Beginning on the first Sunday of Advent, Bible passages are read daily, beginning in Genesis and taking us through salvation history up until Christ's birth. Each daily reading has a corresponding ornament, made from construction paper and laminated, with symbols drawn on them.  The ornament is hung on a small (12 inch) tree by the children after we've finished our reading. This provides them with a visual picture of our Lord's ancestry. 
To view the readings and ideas for creating your own Jesse Tree, click here.

The Creche
St. Francis of Assisi is credited with first building a creche (nativity scene) as part of Christmas celebration. We place a creche in our home at the beginning of Advent. However, the baby Jesus does not appear until Christmas Eve, and then the shepherd with his sheep moves over to worship him.  Also on Christmas Eve, we place the wise men at the edge of the table, and each day they move closer until Epiphany, when they finally make it to the baby Jesus to worship Him.



Our Christmas Chain
We make our sacrifices and our good works visible by creating a 'Christmas chain'. When any of us 'get caught' doing something for someone else, this is written on a strip of construction paper and taped together to make chain links. The chain is then wrapped around our Christmas tree.



St. Nicholas
We prefer to teach our children about the REAL St. Nicholas rather than the fat man with the flying reindeer who lives at the North Pole. The main reason is that we want to keep our Christmas celebration focused on Christ's birth. But also, we want to be truthful with them. St. Nicholas is a real live person. On earth, he served our Lord as a bishop in Myra (modern day Turkey), and he died on December 6, 343 A.D. Since we believe in eternal life in Christ, we believe that St. Nicholas is alive in heaven and praying for us! We celebrate his feast day on December 6 by surprising the children with treats in their stockings and reading stories about St. Nicholas' good deeds, which have inspired the modern day 'Santa Claus' traditions. By celebrating St. Nicholas in this way, we keep the fun of his traditions, we keep him in his proper context, and our Christmas celebration is centered on celebrating Christ's birth. To learn more about the real St. Nick, click here.



Epiphany
On the Epiphany, the kids make crowns of construction paper, glitter, jewels, and they wear silk shawls, robes, etc. to dress up like royalty.  The night before the Epiphany, they think of things that they would like to do for Jesus in the upcoming year.  These are written down or wrapped up as 'presents' which they place in front of the baby Jesus.
For our meal, we set the table fancy, as is fit for royalty!  We have an epiphany cake, in which a quarter is hidden.  The one who finds the piece with the quarter in it gets to be the 'high king or queen' and will get to carry the Christmas star for the procession.
Another tradition is the blessing the door facings.  As the royalty processes through the house singing a hymn (like 'We Three Kings'), the door facings are marked '20+C+M+B+08' with chalk and sprinkled with holy water.  The last two numbers change each year.  The C+M+B means 'Christus Mansionem Benedictat' (Christ bless this home.)   Also, although Scripture doesn't tell us how many magi there actually were or their names, from tradition, we get the number three and the names Caspar, Melchior and Balthasar.
In some countries, the presents are opened on Epiphany rather than Christmas, in remembrance of the presents presented to Jesus.

The Kids' Visit With St. Nick

Santa made an appearance at our library story hour on December 9. The children enjoyed visiting with him.


It was Juju's first visit with Santa. He asked for new shoes.


Gem asked for a Barbie doll.


Caveman asked for a monster truck.


Mojo asked for a robot.


We teach our children that the real St. Nicholas is in heaven with Jesus, praying for all the little boys and girls on earth.  We tell them the stories of the kind deeds he performed on earth.  We know that all good gifts come from Jesus, but we also know that Jesus has helpers...like St. Nicholas, mommy, daddy, and others who show love and kindness.  The children enjoy visiting with one of these helpers and are always eager to spill their Christmas wishes!

Juju 3 months old

Our Juju is now three months old! He is giggling, squealing, and has found his hands.

Welcome, Juju!

Our family welcomed Juju into the outside world on August 18, 2008 at 1:32am.
For those of you who are interested in such details, here is the story of his birth...

Once again, I was "overdue" and anxious. I really wanted to give birth at home, and Deb had said that after 42 weeks, I would be transferred to the care of an obstetrician. Some of you may remember that Gem had to be coaxed out at 42 weeks. In fact, for my past 3 deliveries, my membranes had been ruptured by an OB to start the labor process. For some reason, my babies don't seem to want to come out on their own! Deb didn't want to resort to this, as it increases the risk of complications. But the natural methods we had tried--including Deb's 3-day induction regimen--had gotten us nowhere, and we were faced with the prospect of a hospital birth. So she decided to come to the house on Sunday evening (Monday was the 42 week mark), and if baby was low enough, she would break my water.

Sunday evening, we gave the children their "big sibling" presents, and Greg took the younger ones to my stepmom's house while Deb examined me. Baby's position and heart rate looked favorable, so when Greg returned, shortly before 7 pm, my water was broken.


While waiting for contractions to begin, Deb and NaDean left to go get some dinner. While they were gone, Greg, the older girls, and I went for a walk, praying a rosary as we walked. Then the older girls went to their room to do their teenaged-girl things. When Deb and NaDean returned from dinner, we sat around visiting, listening to music (everything from Rachmaninov to Cream, lol) and getting out the scrapbooks. It took awhile for things to get started, and I did a lot of walking around and squatting to try to move things along. I also took some homeopathic herbs every 5 minutes for thirty minutes. Eventually, I began to feel contractions that I knew were the real thing. When the contractions started becoming more regular and uncomfortable, I decided to try to lie down and rest for a bit. I didn't get to rest for very long. Around 11pm, contractions started getting serious. We filled our old claw-foot bathtub, and I labored in a candle-lit bath for awhile, before it became difficult to relax. At this point, Deb suggested that I might prefer the birthing stool, so I made my way to the bedroom. When I left the tub, I was 7cm dilated. Shortly after I got to the bedroom, I was dilated to 9 1/2 cm, with an anterior cervical lip. At this point, no position I could get in seemed comfortable. Deb assisted me in pushing around the cervix, but it seemed to be a long difficult process. We finally got past the cervix, and I was completely dilated, but pushing still seemed really difficult compared to my other deliveries. I think I pushed for at least 30 minutes. As long and painful as it was, I didn't feel anxious because Deb and NaDean were calm, patient, and encouraging. Such a far cry from the hospital personnel in my previous deliveries. The whole atmosphere was just different, being in the comfort of our bedroom with a low light, looking up and seeing the crucifix that was given to us by the priest at our wedding. And of course, Greg was right beside me, kissing me, running his fingers through my hair, supporting me, telling me how proud he was of me.
Eventually, Deb suggested squatting, and I did this with Greg sitting behind me and supporting my arms. That got the head out in just a few more pushes. The shoulders took a couple more pushes. And there was my baby. He was placed immediately in my arms, and for the first time ever, I got to discover the sex of my baby on my own. I can't tell you how exciting it was to peek underneath the blanket and to exclaim to Bear "it's a BOY!" Once again, the kids were right!
He latched on and began nursing right away.


Thanks to the patience and support of the midwives, I only had a small amount of tearing (needed 5 stitches) with much less discomfort afterward than my previous deliveries.

After the placenta was delivered, we woke the girls up to come meet their brother/cousin.
 

Then we all watched Deb and NaDean examine him. He was perfect of course. He weighed 9 lbs 6 oz and was 22 1/2 inches long!

  

After I rested awhile, I took a shower, gave Juju his first sponge bath, and then we both took a much-needed nap.
 

Greg waited until daylight to get the little ones. They were so excited to see their new brother, especially Caveman! Well, Gem may just be the most "smitten" of them all. She kissed the baby about 500 times. When her older siblings try to hold him, she screams " Nonono! Mine!"
  

Many people have asked me why on earth I would want to have my baby at home with a midwife instead of in the hospital. There are so many differences between an OB's care and a midwife's care! The midwife really gets to know her clients and the experience is a much more personal, intimate, relaxed experience. I never had to wait for visits in an office full of people just to have her spend 10 minutes to listen to the baby's heart rate and ask if I had any questions. Instead, I just rang her doorbell and was seen right away. The kids played with a basket of toys that she keeps available, and they were included and involved in the visits. The midwife probably spent as much time with me during ONE visit than my OB did for all visits combined! When I voiced pregnancy discomforts to the OB, the best I got was a sympathetic pat and a "hang in there, it won't be much longer." The midwife actually had suggestions for things that would help ease the discomfort, things that would make make me think "this is my fifth baby, why has no one ever mentioned this before?"
A few days before Juju's birth, when I was having contractions that weren't all that strong but were regular, Deb and NaDean drove to my house in the middle of the night and camped out on my couch and recliner, just in case.
During the labor and delivery process, everything was focused on my comfort and easing the baby's passage into this world, rather than on “policy and procedure”. The midwives used low lights, soft voices, stayed in the background and allowed me to labor in my own way, and stepped up to offer a suggestion or help when needed. Baby never left my sight.
After delivery, the midwife insisted that I stay in bed/couch/recliner for a week, and NO housework, cooking, or lifting toddlers for 2 weeks. I thought that was a little overkill; in the past I had always been told to "take it easy for a few days." But she was right. I bled less and healed more quickly this time than with my previous deliveries.
She came back to my house to check on me and the baby the next day, and then we did the PKU and birth certificate stuff a few days later. For questions and concerns, she was always reachable on her cell phone.
All in all, this has been my best birth experience. If we have another baby, I would choose another homebirth with these ladies.

My Mother's Day Was Just Wonderful, Thank You

I worked last night (12 hour shifts) and was exhausted when I got home this morning. I did my best to stay awake during Mass, drove Gem around til she fell asleep afterward, and got to bed around 11:30am (the Sunday school teachers bring the older kids home for me after they finish up all their lessons.) Up at 4:30pm, still tired as all-get-out, got to play with the kids briefly and then had to rush off to work again at 5:30pm. It was Bear's weekend to work also, so I got to see him briefly today when he stopped by the hospital on the way home to bring me some food (thanks, honey!)

But this is not a whiney blog. Honest-to-goodness, I'm not whining.

I'm thinking of someone I know, whose precious little girl has been in the hospital for over a month now, and who has gotten devastating news that the doctors don't feel as though there's anything else they can do. She's been by her baby's side, missing her other two babies, missing her husband much of the time, and now they are faced with the heart-wrenching possibility of having to say goodbye to their dear little one.
I'm thinking of another dear mama I know whose little girl went to be with Jesus last year around this time and how her arms must ache right now.
I'm thinking of other women I know who would like nothing more than to wrestle with rambunctious kids in church, to get homemade cards and flower bouquets, and to hear little voices calling "mamamamamama!" But for reasons they can't understand, their arms remain empty.
I'm also thinking of those women I know who do it all on their own without a partner, never getting a break, never hearing the words "I'll bathe the kids" or "I'll bring you dinner, what would you like?" or "you're doing a good job, honey".

So, even though I did not have a Hallmark commercial kind of Mother's Day, it was beautiful to me nonetheless. I cherish the homemade drawing that the kids signed (or scribbled) their names to. I cherish the flowers placed lovingly in the vase on my table. I cherish the hugs and kisses I got before I left the house. I cherish the man who sent me the email telling me what a good job I am doing raising his children. I am thankful beyond words for all this madness.

Why Am I Doing This? Part II--Socialization

I'm finally getting around to blogging on socialization. I'll start by sharing something that a friend emailed me over a year ago.
    
Apparently, the problem with homeschooling is the socialization of children. In the Kolbe Little Home Journal (Fall 2005), there is a brief item called "Homeschooling Family Finds Ways to Adapt to a Public School 'Socialization' Program." Here it is:
"When my wife and I mention we are strongly considering homeschooling our children, we are without fail asked, 'But what about socialization?' Fortunately, we found a way our kids can receive the same socialization that government schools provide. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I will personally corner my son in the bathroom, give him a wedgie and take his lunch money. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my wife will make sure to tease our children for not being in the 'in' crowd, taking special care to poke fun at any physical abnormalities. Fridays will be 'Fad and Peer Pressure Day.' We will all compete to see who has the coolest toys, the most expensive clothes, and the loudest, fastest, and most dangerous car. Every day, my wife and I will adhere to a routine of cursing and swearing in the hall and mentioning our weekend exploits with alcohol and immorality.... And we have asked them to report us to the authorities in the event we mention faith, religion, or try to bring up morals and values."

It's tongue-in-cheek, but there is an element of truth here. This helps to illustrate a few of the issues I have with public school socialization.

My personal opinion is that socialization is a skill that is taught and learned the same as any other skill, such as math or English. Some people have an aptitude for socializing and do so with ease, just as with math or English. Some people do not; they need extra help and practice in these subjects. What sort of teacher would write some math problems or a few sentences on the board, say "here's what you do…", and then leave the students alone to figure things out? That's what happens when we expect the public school system to teach our children to socialize. The kids who are naturally good at it will do well. The rest will flounder around trying to figure things out. And then there are the ones who haven't a clue what it is they are supposed to be doing. They will be the "misfits" who are invisible if they are lucky and targets if they are unlucky. I don't believe that throwing my children into a large group of other children is the most effective way to teach the skill of socialization. I also believe that if I have a child who naturally is a 'loner', then no amount of forced socialization is going to change that. We will learn to work with that personality rather than try to change it into what it is not.
I have heard it said that it's good for children to be exposed to bullies (including bully teachers), that it prepares them for the 'real world'. I strongly disagree. Children do not have the emotional maturity, the tools, or the skills to stand up to those stronger than themselves; they are at the mercy of their bullies or dependent upon adults to help them out of these situations. I see nothing good that can come from being teased, taunted, and physically abused day after day until their attackers get tired of them or until an adult steps in to rescue them. How does the standard advice to "ignore" the bullies translate into dealing with abusive spouses or bosses when they are adults? Children are not sheltered from all negative interactions with people just because they are homeschooled; chances are that they'll be able to observe how Mama handles the rude lady at the store. Somewhere along the way there'll be a child at playgroup who pushes them out of the way. There will be plenty of opportunities for learning to deal with unpleasant people. No child should have to deal with bullying.

I also disagree that socializing only with other children of the same age (or even gender) for 7.5 hours a day is likely to prepare my children for socializing in the real world. I have never worked a job with only other people of my age. When I go to work at my outside job, I have to be able to relate to the elderly at times and teenagers at times. I have friendships with people 30 years older than me, and I have friendships with people who are 15 years younger than me. We see people of all races, sizes, and abilities in the real world. My children would not think of pointing, laughing, or calling names someone who is different from them. I do not want them to be taught to do so by other children with whom they are socializing. Nor do I want them to be taught that their clothes, their hair, their toys, their friends aren't cool enough. All the other 'social lessons' taught in public school with which I disagree would be too lengthy of a subject to approach here. Maybe another blog.

Besides, I don't believe that the classroom is the best place for socializing. Shouldn't the children be paying attention to the teacher and learning something? That's what I keep telling my oldest daughter anyway. Two fifteen minute recess breaks and lunch (if they are allowed to talk in the lunchroom) are really the only times set aside for socializing at school. We get more socialization than that at home.

We have an insane amount of socialization around here. I am an organizational nerd, and our calendar is color-coded--green for Reese, orange for Sunshine, purple for Mojo, blue for Caveman, and pink for Gem (although Gem is mostly content to socialize with Mama at this age.) You should see my calendar—it's psychedelic with socialization. My children get along with other children, and they have friends. We are socialized just fine, thank you.